This is the all new happy London Evening Standard Headline Maker. Obviously after Boris becomes mayor London will suddenly be a world class city that its citizens are proud to live in and therefore words like 'misery', 'hell', 'chaos' or 'Heathrow' will have no place anymore. Crime will fall, well it already had, bus travel will be cheaper and better than ever before, cyclists will embrace van drivers, cab drivers will have charitable words for northerners, the Walworth Road will become fragrant and once again pigs will be seen to fly over Battersea Power Station.

For a surrealist variant on the headline maker visit here